The little itty bitty bit I inserted into my last post that referred back to the interview I have conducted with AB De Villiers got me thinking.  And no, for the Holy One’s sake, I did not ponder about the seemingly unstable cockroach that controls the gears and levers in Ponting’s head, but rather I focused on the bit where the young man commented on the fact that he can not really recall some great chirps on the field of play.

I guess that being a professional cricketer you sometimes need to shut yourself off of the world in order to remain undaunted by the prospect of a lightning quick bowler running in at you, hence the fact that some really good chirps might have slipped passed his ears.  I, on the other hand, have been at the receiving end of quite a few gems in the past.  As was I present at the time of some being dished out.  And here follows a nostalgic remembrance of those little incidences for your reading pleasure.

In my first really big game in the SWD premier league back in the 2002/2003 season we, Oudtshoorn Defence Force, came up against the league champs, Union Stars.  They were an ominous bunch to play against seeing as so many of their regular players were established members of the SWD provincial squad as well.  Two of said players were lightning quick opening bowlers.

That year, for some inexplicable reason, all the sides were issued with two piece match balls.  Ask any player with the ability to swing a cricket ball and they will immediately inform you that a two-piece swings miles!

With our side in some trouble I go in for a bat with the score on 20/3, chasing a rather large total of 250 in 50 overs.

One of these express bowlers came steaming in at me and at the time I really wished that I got myself better acquainted with the accompanying headgear that sometimes can mean the difference between enjoying an after match beer or spending time in hospital having your dome stitched up.  At the time I had a helmet on, but as I was not used to one I had difficulty in tracking any deliveries and that over sent down at me saw six balls pass me without me being able to pick up were them damn balls even pitched!!

The keeper must have thought it to be a very funny sight as he strolled up towards me after that over.  “Mr Batsman, do you like cricket?”

I thought about his question and did not see any possible malice in it so I answered: “Yeah! I love this game!”

His reply had me in stitches: “Funny! It looks to me like you only play cricket to get away from the wife on Saturdays!”

In my second season back in Cape Town (2006) I played in a game where the outfield resembled the streets of war torn Bosnia!  Fielding in the covers was extremely hazardous to your health as any ball hit at you had the inclination to suddenly rear up at you and bite you in the face.  One ball was hit so hard along the ground that our point fielder had no chance to get down in time and just stuck a hand out while bending down.  At the last moment the ball probably hit the head of a mole and screamed up from the surface and bashed into the knee of the poor guy.  He stood for a second or two and as if a bronze statue tipped backwards and just lay there while the ball trickled over the boundary rope.  An eerie silence followed as we watched him go down like a sack of potatoes…and then the disappointment of a boundary given away sank in.  Someone needed to break the ice and our captain piped up… ”Oh, I get it! You’re a backward point!”  You could not stop the uncontrollable laughter on the field for at least a minute, from fielders, umpires and batsmen alike.

I am glad to say that I am a decent batsman.  I am not comparing myself to someone like Kallis or Duminy, but when it comes to muscling a ball to the boundary with disdain, and some degree of bottom hand, I can hold my own, especially when the chips are down.  I recall a friendly played three seasons ago when my side was 3 down for 15 runs chasing 209 in 40 overs.  I managed to bludgeon 148 not out coming in at nr 5 to win the game in the penultimate over.  Now before you start to think that I am telling you this as part of my effort to proclaim my abilities from up top my soap box… relax, it’s not like that.  There is a point to it. 

I also opened the bowling for all the sides I have played for the last 6 years.  And as such I have been in a position, as a batter and a bowler, to see instances where chirps either worked in your favor or against you.  And to this day I teach the inexperienced guys in the side to NEVER chirp a batsman, unless you can back it up with a guaranteed jaffer the very next ball!

In one of my last games I played in SWD league we came up against Knysna.  They managed to secure the services of certain Mr. Richard Pryke that year.  For some of the older readers the name may sound familiar.  He was a regular in the Natal side in the early 90’s and also played a match for the SA A side around the same time.  He was famous (infamous) for his unorthodox style of bowling with both arms coming over at the point of delivery and considering he was a right handed bowler he also delivered balls off the “wrong” foot (being the right foot). 

So for any batsman that has never seen this guy in action he was an anomaly.  Someone you wish to face once, have an opportunity to conclude your laughing fit, and then be bowled in the same over…because that’s what he did, he bowled people!

Coming in at 4 that day I knew what I was up against and the first ball he sent down did not disappoint me!  He came halfway down the track after cutting me in half with a corker and called me a “monkey”.  The non-striker was nice enough to warn the veteran that I am not a batsman you wish to provoke.

True as bob, the very next ball he bowled at me was a hip high full toss on leg stump.  I swiveled and crashed the ball high and mighty over square leg’s head for 6 only to see Mr Prike turn on his heels and walk back to his marker.  The very next ball he sent down a half volley outside off stump which I gladly cashed in on with a cover drive that came out of the screws.  The fielders did not move.  And that was the end of the arrogance.  It felt extremely good to humble a guy of his stature.

As a bowler I had to endure the same fate as Mr Prike had to.  Two years ago I forgot my own golden rule.  After sending off four very tight overs and seeing at least half of those deliveries either shaving the off stump or the outside of the opening batsman’s bat I lost my composure and screamed from the top of my lungs to get rid of my frustration.  In stead of my war cry intimidating the batsman, it did the opposite.  He asked me “what the hell was that?”  I though he left himself wide open, so I said: “I can not believe that utter idiots with a bat in hand can open the batting in this league!”  At the time it felt like the right thing to do, but when I saw my figures go from 0/4 in 4 overs to 0/54 in 8 I felt a bit different about it all!!  It was the last time I spoke my mind on the field, especially when it concerned the opposing batsmen.

Anyway.  That is some of the memories that came rushing back.  If any of you readers are either players or have been players in the past, feel free to leave some of the gems you have come across in the past.  Who knows, maybe they are good enough to use them myself?  Hehehe…